A message forum I frequent for military spouses always seems to have the topic of “what do I wear to (fill in the blank)” come up quiet often. Most people would see that and think it’s a simple thing to figure out, but not always so.

Let’s face it, the wheels of change within the military are grindingly slow. Styles and things accepted in the civilian world change with each season if not faster. With the military you are dealing with an entity that has a long history and somewhat rigid ideas of what is and is not acceptable.

My general rule of thumb is if you feel it would be acceptable in church and around your grandmother, then it should be fine for military standards. Trust me, you don’t want to be remembered as the “hoochie” who wore the dress plunged to the navel or slit up to the crotch to the ball. It’s best to keep “the girls” in their place and not in danger of making an appearance on their own as well. Your best bet is to be on the more conservative side rather than the flamboyant side.

Dress according to the uniform your spouse is required to wear. If it is formal then go with tea length to full length gowns. Semi-formal can be anything from a short cocktail dress to full length dresses. Some pantsuits are fine for semi-formal, but usually not for formal. Business wear can be pant suits, dresses, nice separates and so forth.

Currently many wives are getting tattoos, and multiple ones at that. There is nothing wrong with tattoos, but keep in mind many of the services have restrictions on the military member as to what is acceptable in tattoos. A small tattoo on the ankle, foot or calf is not that big of a deal. But, to have a huge tattoo across your entire back or chest and to have it on display in an outfit at a formal event can be disastrous. You may want to consider buying some cover up for times like that.

Same thing can go with piercings. If McDonald’s and Burger King will not allow multiple facial piercings at work, you can rest assured it would not be a good idea to wear all your piercings at a semi-formal or formal military event. And please don’t tell tales of how your nipple piercings got infected!

I know, I know, we aren’t in the military our spouse is; and what we do or look like is not supposed to affect our spouse’s career. In a perfect world that is true. There is no way to take back first impressions though and lets face it – not everyone is cool with tattoos, piercings or revealing dress. We are all human and can’t help our reactions sometimes. These things may be accepted at your spouse’s current command, but may not be at the next one.

So please be aware of how you may be perceived by others when going to military functions. And don’t shoot the messenger on this – I’m just trying to make things easier for you and your spouse.